Deadpool
Introduction Well hello, this is me, Deadpool. Yes, that's right, and here is where you get to hear me, the merc with a mouth, tell a detailed description of me, in my very own words! I hope you get to enjoy hearing narratives about how I, Deadpool, enjoyed some great exploits, er setbacks, throughout my long career. I also hope you enjoy hearing about my love of Bea Arthur, Chimichangas, Duct Tape and Gorditos! Oh and PRAISE BE TO The Headbanger's Party and the just senator Afierceweasel Is He A Troll Or A Rebel Saint? It's up to you to decide, but I consider myself the heroic troll of Spiritproject. mostly because of my part in the event that will go down in infamy as The Party Party Rebellion which I thought was a necessary evil. The people of Spiritproject needed to know that it was possible to stand up against our oppressive(yet amazingly nice and sexy) ruler BobShark and the evil, evil mod WeAreDormin777. Powers and Abilities Well, to add a little... intimidation here why don't we go over my arsenal a little first? Shall we? I am armed with arguably the most influential, yet overused power in the Marvel Universe, and yes, you guessed it, the healing factor! Just like the baddies of Wolverine, Sabretooth, or the Hulk, my body regrows lost or damaged tissue at rates far faster than ordinary humans or even animals do. I can also re-attach severed limbs to my body, and they're just as good as new, albeit sometimes this can be a little more difficult than a jigsaw puzzle, or so it seems. I also possess small arms such as SMGs and pistols, and often carry the trademark weapon of twin katanas adding a little slice and dice action to the mix. In my peak physical condition I can lift up to 800 pounds without breaking a sweat and I am trained in every form of combat and every language imaginable, so don't try to insult me because I'll know. Don't bother thinking that you're faster than I am, because can you seriously match the speed of light? I didn't think so. I have a teleportation device on me, so I can check out your suspected hiding places in a few blinks of an eye, if I really wanted to. The most annoying part about life for me is the fact that whomever lives upstairs and writes my story somehow forces me to not ever be killed off. It seriously drives me off the wall, I wonder if the guys can also give me a vacation at some point, i mean seriously, some far off exotic place would be nice for a change every once in a while. But no, I have to go to shame, and suffer everything from gunshot wounds to severed limbs. But then again, that's possibly just the price of being an antihero. I also have a very rare power known only as "Comic Awareness" which is a fancy way of saying that I'm aware of you. Yes that's you, someone outside of my frames of reference! I figure you're there from all the punishment, or lack of death that I seem to get, and you're being a real jerk to me sometimes. Try adding a few of those squishy cotton balls so that my words aren't spoken out loud for a change. Perhaps I'll be less annoying that way! Sometimes that fourth wall isn't all that hard to break...